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Ever since I gave birth to my sweet baby son, not a day has gone by that I don't wonder about how any mother could abuse, abandon, neglect or even think about intentionally causing their child harm in any way. This is not to say that I thought child abuse was fine and dandy before I had my baby. Its just that now, I know what it feels like to love like a mother, making it all the more baffling to me that another mother could just shut that feeling off without batting an eye.
For those of you who don't know what its like: it is the kind of love that causes you to check on your sleeping baby every 4 seconds just to make sure he hasn't stopped breathing, its the kind of love that makes you walk home from a wild raging party after half an hour because cuddling with your baby just seems way more appealing than playing beer pong with your friends and drunkenly learning how to dance "The Charleston". Its the kind of love that makes you worry that your using the wrong diaper rash cream, whether letting your baby use an ExerSaucer is safe or not, whether baby sunscreen contains heavy metals...It makes you marvel at their perfection. And it makes you want to personally choke to death anyone who has caused their child, or any other child pain, sadness, or grief. And you can't even stand to entertain the thought of someone hurting your own child.
Like I said, I've been wondering about this for awhile, but today I met a woman. This woman was 64 years old, and was single- handedly raising her 3 year old grandson. She was very open and candid about the situation she had found herself in 3 years ago: her son, a meth addict and his meth/heroine addict girlfriend conceived a baby and shortly thereafter, they were both arrested for drug possession. The 19 year old girl was given methadone while in prison to treat her for narcotic withdrawals. When she went into labor, they took her to a hospital, handcuffed her to the bed, and she gave birth to a drug- addicted, but otherwise healthy baby boy, all by herself, with no one at her side but a doctor and a nurse. The baby was taken away immediately and after a couple of days, the girl returned to her prison cell.
The child's grandmother fought for custody of the boy and he is now under her care. All I can say is thank god the boy has a grandmother who can be there for him- many children are not so lucky.
This whole story is just heartbreaking but the part that really depresses me is that the girl was released from prison after some time, and instead of staying clean and working on bettering herself and trying to take care of her son, she gets thrown back in the slammer on drug- related charges. The father of the child is constantly in and out of prison so he obviously has no intentions of raising his own son, either. How could a living, breathing Mother (or Father) with a beating heart choose drugs over their own sweet baby?? These types of situations just sicken me. Sometimes I wish I could take care of all these unloved and abused children myself.
I mean, there are countless victims of child abuse out there, and even more in heaven (or wherever) and I am so heartbroken by it.
I mean, recently, a father tortured and starved his 3 year old daughter to death! I mean, a sweet, beautiful little angel baby girl. Seriously. Read the story about Alexis Pounder here. I mean, what kind of a demon is possessing these people?
And these are the types of situations where I can't help but think that an abortion would have been a good idea. I mean, wouldn't it have been better to let these babies meet their maker as pure, innocent beings instead of needlessly subjecting them to the abuse and neglect perpetrated by their deranged, degenerate parents?
All I know is that Alexis Pounder's father is going to get beat to death in prison. Even criminals on death row know the difference between a common murderer and a sick and twisted pervert with no shred of humanity left in him and a soul as black as the devil's pupils.
Anyway, my new year's resolution for 2010 is not to say "fuck"
oh, damn.
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I worked for an agency that held a "young parents group." Some of the parents were paid by social services to come to group once per week. Some came for free clothes and donations we took in like strollers and cribs. My kids and I volunteered to provide child care from 6-8:30 pm and to clean up the play-room. Parents met in another room. My kids, aged 10, 12, 14 got an eye opening at the state of the children we watched. We could have one child, or as many as 15. Kids came dirty, hungry, caked with boogers, with dirty too big clothes on. Many had a slew of different fathers/mothers/step parents... It was a hard lesson to learn. It was sometimes even harder to show respect to a parent who had brought in a little child with cracked lips and nose from having a dirty face for a while.
ReplyDeleteWe tried to teach the "littles" to manage their own hygiene, wash face (soaking with a paper towel or washcloth any caked on food etc.) and to scrub their hands and nails. Some parents noticed their children were cleaner, and seemed to clean their kids up before coming. If we noticed an extreme issue, we could tell the family educator who could work on it at a home visit with the family.
I don't work there anymore, and my kids want to go back to volunteer. They miss "their" kids. This program is one that may be cut in NY, due to funding issues. I really truly believe the education and help, and the sense of pride in their children these families get from group and home visits (by "normal" people, not social workers) prevents child abuse and teaches at-risk families stragegies for child-rearing.
(o: there are people out there helping, it's hard to see that from the news...
RebeccaFlys@blogspot.com
wow. that is really incredible that you helped those kids. i'm sure they will never forget you and your kids.
ReplyDeletei'm really glad to hear about this. i know there is help out there- and a lot of times, it seems, the issue with these parents is not so much derangement as it is cluelessness.