on a greasy paper plate while drunk as hell

September 28, 2007

I was blinded by the light produced by the structure fire flame and I felt grateful to possess the right to turn and look away and as I relished in my freedom, I overheard somebody say that I'd been turned away so long I couldn't appreciate the fire's violent grace or the way the cracks in the pavement still resemble your lover's face or how you
reeeally
gotta
leave
but you still really want to stay..
the fact that murder can be justified in the name of self- defense
how there's no self- inflicted cure for the feeling of irrelevance.
and how flawless the acting was in the last scene of your life
how you've exchanged your hope of finding love for an avid lust for life
how good you have become at painting on a smile.
HOW LONG DOES IT HAVE TO BE... TO BE CONSIDERED A LONG WHILE ?
And its dangerous that we've become accustomed to microwaveable convenience
how all that redundant talking only leaves you in your silence
.the way we'll never know how it feels to really starve to death
how chilling it can be to feel another's warming breath.
& how your memory (though hazy) recalls exactly how it felt
to be returned like a library book and placed back upon a dusty shelf.

The Sun May Rise in the East

at least
it settles in a fine location.

Well... although I have been out here on the East coast for a year now, I'm still not sold on the whole scene. I miss the constant sunshine, the slow pace, the good local bands and the micro- breweries of Southern California.

Actually, some things I do not miss are the hyper-active law enforcement, the effing liberals, the insurmountable cost of living and the bad air quality.

Anyway, now I'm in Northern Virginia and there's nothing I can do about it.

SO...a few things about me:
-I am 22 yrs old but I feel like I've lived a lifetime already
-I stayed at a religious community (some would call it a 'cult') for the past year because my husband asked me to "give it a try"- (yeah, it wasn't for me)
-I have a 6 month old son, who I gave birth to in my own bed- with no medical intervention whatsoever
-I was born in Louisiana, grew up in SoCal til I was 15 then went back to Louisiana to live with my grandma who made me attend a Catholic college prep school (yes, uniforms and all...)
-I work for a newspaper based out of Massachusetts called the Berkshire Beacon
-I want to open up a bakery/cafe called "Tangled up in Brew" (a pun on the Bob Dylan song, "Tangled up in Blue") but I don't have the money to do it, so if you have money, give it me! please!!
-I effing love music and
-I make a lot of art and write a lot of (non-gay) poetry

That's all for now. I hope people actually read this thing..otherwise I'll continue writing stuff in my dang stupid diary